Reflections on March 8

It's hard for me to believe that today is the 2 year anniversary of miscarrying our first baby. In some ways, it's hard to believe how fast the last 2 years have passed; on the other hand, these last 2 years have seemed like a never-ending cycle of disappointment, tears, & deep heartache.

When I first found out that I was scheduled to sing at church this weekend, the anniversary of our loss, I was very worried that I would be a bawling mess on stage--especially since last year I stayed buried in our house on March 8. But, God gave me peace that I could sing this weekend with strength only found in Him. Yes, there were tears as I sang today, but they were sweet tears as I reflected on who I was 2 years ago and who God has shaped (and still is shaping) me into through our miscarriage & subsequent infertility.

Two years ago, I couldn't see all the good God could bring from this pain. This list isn't exhaustible; but, these are the main "good" things that I am thankful for right now:
--a depth & strength in our marriage that before I only imagined
--deep, real-life friendships with other girls forged from our shared experiences of infertility
--knowing personally in my heart-not just my head-that Jesus is faithful; that He truly does give us the grace we need to get through each day; and that God can cause all things to work together for good for those who love Him, as we are promised in Romans 8:28

Of course, I know there will still be hard days...after all, our arms are still empty. But, I can say that I am truly thankful for the pain & brokenness God has brought me through; because, the joy I felt today as I sang the following lyrics is a joy that can only come from being delivered from a place of hopelessness & despair.

I love you Lord, I worship You
Hope which was lost now stands renewed
I give my life to honor this
The love of Christ, the Savior King

Thank you, Jesus, for hope renewed.