What Happened?

In the past few weeks, we've had 3 out-of-state friends contact us to say, "What happened to the baby girl?  You've never posted about her on your blog." 

I guess by the time everything with her adoption fell apart, I was just too emotionally exhausted to write anything about it.  In addition, we've tried to keep the details under wraps since the whole situation involves Isaac's birthmother.  The agency called us on June 30 to tell us that the baby had been born and that her birthparents kept her.  They didn't know what her actual birthdate or name was. 

A few days after finding out that the baby girl was born, we texted Isaac's birthmother to let her know that we still care about her.  We told her that as sad as we are about losing the baby girl, we'll always be grateful that she gave Isaac to us. 

So, how are we?  Some days are still very hard.  When we were on vacation another family came out to the pool.  They had a son around Isaac's age and a baby girl.  Their baby girl was wearing the same swimsuit that I had bought for "our" baby girl.  It was all I could do not to break down in front of them. 

One evening last month, I was out with some friends.  I came home to find that Dave had packed up all the baby girl's clothes and put them in the attic.  I think we left her room ready for so long because we really thought Isaac's birthmother would change her mind and decide to place.  The strange thing about losing an adoption is that the baby is still "out there"--it's very hard not to constantly wonder how she's doing or what she looks like.

Other days, I feel that we've moved to our "new normal."  Staying super-busy this summer and having our vacation to look forward to really helped me.  Plus, Dave worked in town almost all summer!  That was a wonderful blessing.  And, honestly, it's hard to sit around and cry too much when I'm chasing this precious angel around.  I don't want my sadness over losing both of these babies to take away the joy that I find every day in being Isaac's mom.

So, what's next?  We are still working with Adoption Network to adopt a domestic infant.  Adoption Network works with families all around the country, and there are around 15 other Texas families waiting right now, too.  Last month, they mailed hard copies of our profile to 9 potential birthmothers.  That's encouraging to us, because it means that each of those 9 birthmothers are looking for the same things in an potential adoption that we are. 

There are many days when I cry out to God, begging Him to help me understand why we've endured two broken adoptions in the past few months.  Obviously, I have no answers.  I know it's not my job to understand.  We are still believing that God has a great plan for our family--"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."   And, we are still praying that there's another precious baby in our arms soon.