My Grandma Dolores

If she were still living, today would have been Grandma Dolores' 94th birthday!  I've had this post half-written for months now.  Sitting down and actually finishing it is another reminder to me that my grandma's really gone.  Another time that I most miss her is when I walk to the mailbox with my kids.  My grandma wrote me so many letters!  I miss seeing her cursive handwriting on an envelope waiting in my mailbox.  So, instead of writing a letter to my grandma filled with stories of my kids, I'm finally writing the story of my last days with my grandma.
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Dave lost both of his grandpas in a span of three months.  Grandpa Rinn died last November, and then Grandpa Bailey died in January.  Just a few weeks after we returned home from Grandpa Bailey's funeral in Iowa, I flew to Minnesota to be with Grandma Dolores.  We knew that she was failing quickly, and I was so anxious to get to Minnesota to be with her one more time.  We had already planned Emma's birthday party, and I also had two concerts to accompany at my school.  Thankfully, awesome friends stepped in and took care of our kids for three days so that I could fly to Minnesota early on a Tuesday morning, February 11 right after I finished my last concert at school.  

Right as I was about to board my plane, my mom called me from Minnesota to say that my grandma's health was declining quickly.  Just a few days prior, my sister and her husband had driven up to visit my grandma from Chicago.  They texted me this picture.  Even though she was in hospice care, my grandma was awake and able to communicate.  In this picture, my grandma was waving "hi" to us.  :)  

My mom said that my grandma's health had declined rapidly overnight and asked if I even still wanted to come.  She said it was likely my grandma wouldn't be able to talk with me.  Of course, I still wanted to come.  And, I'm so glad I did.  Those three days I spent with my grandma are some of the most treasured days of my life.

My grandma was at a hospice center in Brooklyn Center.  The center was situated on a lake and was so peaceful.  

When I first stepped into my grandma's room, she opened her eyes especially wide and said, "Wow!"  I held her hands for a long time and cried.   My cousin, Nate, sent the book I'll Love You Forever with me to read to Grandma, so I laid my head on her pillow and read to her.  This was a special book that my grandma read to many of her grandchildren.  After I finished the book, Grandma kept repeating "forever and ever, forever and ever" over and over.  I told her I'd love her forever and ever.  

My mom and I were both wearing similar scarves, which my grandma noticed.  She smiled a little, gestured to our scarves, and said, "you got me…you got me" as if we had tried to make her laugh by dressing alike.  Grandma took both of my hands in hers and kissed them.  I showed Grandma a picture of Emma feeding her baby doll a bottle.  She studied Emma in the picture for a long time and then said (of Emma's hair) "that hair!"  I also showed her that I was wearing her engagement ring, which she had given to me.  (Both Grandma and I were engaged on Christmas Eve.)  Again, she said, "Wow!"  That was the most responsive that my grandma was during my visit to her, and after that she became quieter and quieter.  

I spent a lot of my time with Grandma singing hymns to her.  My grandma absolutely loved hymns!  She had a book that had a specific hymn for each day of the year, and she read this daily.  I thumbed through that book and sang hymns to her for hours.   My Uncle Steve had brought a copy of Laura Ingalls Wilder's The Long Winter, and I sat holding my grandma's hand and reading that book for a long time, too.    

My cousin Anna and I spent the nights on a small pull-out couch in Grandma's room.  We drank a lot of Caribou coffee, cried a lot, and wrote out a long list of our favorite memories of Grandma.  On Wednesday evening, my grandma started to be very uncomfortable.  Her hands were clenched, her eyes looked so sad, and she began crying.  She said, "I'm coming, I'm coming" in a very clear voice.  

My grandma was "coming"...to heaven.   She always reminded us that she wasn't going to die--she was going to be born again for all of eternity. She looked forward to going to heaven like no other person I've ever known.   I came home late on Thursday, February 13.  My dad picked me up at the airport and dropped me off at a quiet house as David and my kids were already asleep.  I woke up the next morning--Valentine's Day--to a beautiful lily from David on the kitchen counter.  David knows it is one of my favorite flowers, but it was also my grandma's favorite flower.  A few moments after I saw the lily, my mom called to say that my grandma had just passed away.  Valentine's Day was always one of her favorite days of the year.

Two weeks later, I flew back to Minnesota again for my grandma's funeral.  Nine of her ten grandchildren were at her funeral.  After a service filled with hymns, Scriptures, and wonderful stories of her life, we all went downstairs at the church for brunch and coffee.  We all laughed, through our tears, that she would have just loved to be there since it was filled with everything she loved the most.

Grandchildren at Grandma's funeral
Nate, Anna, Bethany, Emily, Brian, Karen, Andrew, Christy, John

 My grandma lives on whenever I drink a cup of coffee that has gone cold from sitting on the counter too long…when I play Scrabble and use one of her Scrabble tricks…when my kids snuggle up in one of the afghans she made…when I dry dishes with one of the dishtowels she embroidered…when I sit down and look through photo albums…whenever I call my Emma by her full name, Emma Victoria.

I love you, Grandma.  

Forever and ever.