There's Still My Joy

A sweet friend of mine shared this post from Molly Piper's blog this morning. In her post, Molly writes about grief & joy during the holidays and introduced me to the song "There's Still My Joy" by the Indigo Girls. It really is a must-listen, especially if 2011 has held unexpected pain for you or someone you love. It was exactly what I needed to hear today...and echoes the cry of my heart.

I took my tree down to the shore
The garland, and the silver star
To find my peace, and grieve no more
To heal this place inside my heart

On every branch I laid some bread
And hungry birds filled up the sky
They rang like bells around my head
They sang my spirit back to life

One tiny child can change the world
One shining light can show the way
Through all my tears, for what I’ve lost
There’s still my joy
There’s still my joy
For Christmas day

The snow comes down on empty sand
There’s tinsel moonlight on the waves
My soul was lost, but here I am
So this must be amazing grace

One tiny child can change the world
One shining light can show the way
Beyond these tears for what I’ve lost
There’s still my joy
There’s still my joy
For Christmas day
There’s still my joy for Christmas day

Some days are now beginning to feel "normal"--not that I don't still daily think of the two babies that we'd hoped to adopt, but the pain isn't always as intense as it was earlier this year. Other days, it still feels as raw as it did in April and May. Walking into Breakfast with Santa and seeing--what seemed like--babies everywhere was very, very hard. Having 3 stocking on our mantle, instead of 5, makes me wish for this Christmas as I'd dreamed it would be. And, looking at the closed door across from Isaac's room still hurts deeply.

God is showing me daily--sometimes hourly--that joy and pain can coexist. He is Emmanuel--"God with us"--and He is with me in both my joy and my pain. Slowly, He is "singing my spirit back to life."