"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Psalm 34:18

Two weeks ago today, we received a call from our adoption advisor that our baby boy's adoption was off.  As bizarre as this sounds, our birthmother's husband called Adoption Network to report that the birthmother was working with two adoption agencies at the same time.  She had been matched with us and a family from the other agency just one day apart in March.  While some of our family and friends always had a glimmer of hope that we would eventually get Isaac back, that isn't even an option in this situation.  Both Adoption Network and the other couple's agency are refusing to work with this birthmother any longer.  In addition, she has been placed on a national birthmother fraud list which is updated with every adoption agency in the country, thus prohibiting her from placing this baby or any subsequent babies she may have for adoption. 

After going through the rollercoaster of Isaac's adoption, we really struggled with whether or not we should even announce this and the baby girl's adoption.  What if the adoption was broken?  Or what if the birthparents didn't sign again, as in Isaac's situation?  All of these "what ifs"....but, we finally decided to announce them because we wanted everyone to share in our joy & we knew how much we needed your prayers during the waiting period.  Our other reason was that, in case anything such as this should happen, we knew we'd need your prayers to get through the heartache.  We still look back at the time when we didn't have Isaac and wonder how we ever could have survived without the incredible support we received.  We are blessed and are so thankful for you all.   

We know that we aren't guaranteed an easy journey; but, after Isaac's adoption, we really hoped for a "smooth" adoption.  (Is there such a thing?)  And, this adoption seemed to start off that way.  Our first phone call with this birthmother couldn't have gone better.  She cried when she told us why she picked us to raise her son.  And, now here we are, for the second time in the past two years hearing social workers & adoption advisors say, "We've just never seen anything like this."  While we're happy that progress on the baby girl's adoption is still moving ahead, it doesn't take away from any of the pain and sadness we feel about losing this child.  More than words can say, we really wanted this baby boy and are so sad that we won't even ever know him.  We were so excited about Isaac having a little brother.  His crib was waiting for him, since Isaac moved to a toddler bed last month.  We've sorted clothes, discussed boy names incessantly, and done as much planning as possible to prepare for him.  . 

When you experience a miscarriage or infant loss, you are able to grieve for a baby now in heaven.  But this baby is still "here"--on earth.  We have no idea what will happen to him.  We feel so empty thinking that he will not grow up in our family, as we'd anticipated.  Stranger still, there is another family somewhere in America who is just as sad as we are and was thinking they were getting this baby.  All we can do now, in the midst of our sadness, is pray for him.  We are praying that God would protect his little life...that God would specifically place people in his life who will point him to Jesus as he grows. 

We received this news the Monday prior to Easter, and that entire week I'd been listening to this song in preparation for our Easter services at Keystone Church.  The words seem so poignant in our situation. 

So take heart

Let His love lead through the night

Hold on to hope

and take courage again

All our troubles and all our tears

God, our hope, He has overcome

All our failures and all our fear

God, our love, He has overcome

All our heartache and all our pain

God, our Healer, He has overcome

All our burdens and all our shame

God, our freedom, He has overcome

God, our Justice, God, our Grace

God, our freedom, He has overcome

God, our refuge, God, our strength

God is with us, He has overcome