Last summer, after losing both babies' adoptions, I had surgery that we hoped would help us conceive. My doctor was very optimistic about the results and told us that, statistically, the highest chance of conception after a surgery like mine was in the first 6 months. For the first two months after the surgery, we did unmedicated IUIs. The sadness I felt in December, which was the sixth month after my surgery, was so heavy. Often, our infertility is still very hard for me, and we had been very hopeful that this surgery may have given us an opportunity to grow our family through pregnancy.
After New Year's, David & I began praying more earnestly about how God would have us grow our family. At that point, we had been waiting with Adoption Network for exactly a year. Adoption Network didn't have statistics on what the average wait for consecutive adoptions is, but they did tell us that it would be significantly longer than their average wait time of 4 months for first adoptions. In January, we called our adoption counselor and asked her what we could do to possibly get a match more quickly. She offered several solutions. We talked and prayed through them--some were easy, obvious choices to us and others were difficult. We ended up changing a few things on our profile at Adoption Network, but we also prayed that God would show us other ways that we could grow our family, since we had no idea when we'd receive a match from Adoption Network.
In January, a lady at my parent's church contacted my mom about two brothers, ages 3 & 5, who were just being released from the foster system and were available for adoption. This lady knew our story and wondered if we might be interested in adopting them. My mom wisely talked to David about this situation without telling me about it--she wanted Dave to handle this how he best thought. One night, I was telling David all about my friend Amanda's adoption of Brody from Ukraine. Up until that time, we had never envisioned ourselves adopting an older child or sibling group. Dave interrupted my story about Brody and asked if I had talked to my mom. All of a sudden, I knew that he was about to say something BIG....he started to tell me about these two boys and I just started sobbing. We talked about this possibility for a long time that night and both loved the idea!
The next morning, David called the boys' case worker. We thought we would be eligible to apply for adoption of these boys since our home study was current. The caseworker explained that we needed to be licensed as foster parents to adopt from the foster system. We asked if there was any way we could complete the 30 hours of training necessary to be licensed. The case worker was very sweet and said that we could try, but that the boys would likely be placed by the time we could realistically finish the 30 hours.
Even though we were disappointed that these brothers were out of reach for us, we wondered if this was God's way of opening our hearts to adopting a sibling group out of the foster system. We contacted two local agencies that work with children in the foster system and began praying specifically about this option.
At the same time, we felt like we should go back to our fertility doctor. We hadn't been back to see him since the winter of 2008/2009, but we wanted to discuss the surgery I'd had last summer and see what he thought of our options. Given my age and several other variables, he gave us a great percentage for a successful IVF, which is one fertility option we hadn't previously done. We had never before felt that God was leading us to do an IVF cycle; but, after meeting with our fertility doctor, we began to feel more open to it. We'd always had some ethical questions about IVF, so we ordered this book. David and I both read it in a weekend and together felt like we could do an IVF cycle that would not compromise our beliefs.
We prayed and prayed...God, should we begin training to be foster parents? God, should we pursue IVF? Both seemed hard, for very different reasons, and we knew that we couldn't move ahead with either one until God gave us both direction.
A verse that I clung to and prayed over many days during this time was "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.' " (Isaiah 30:21). I can't explain how sad, and at times, frustrated, I was that God wasn't answering our prayer. I felt like I was slowly surrendering my idea of what my family would look like and how it would grow...both David and I were ready, with open hearts, to move to the right or to the left with whatever God showed us. But, we didn't feel like God was showing us anything. Night after night, we'd talk about this...and all either of us could say was, "I just sense that God is saying 'wait'."
Of course, we had no idea that a beautiful birthmother, L, was deciding to place her baby for adoption. At one of L's prenatal appointments, she talked about her adoption plan with her OB. L's doctor told her that his daughter and son-in-law were infertile & asked if she would consider placing her baby girl with them. L was very open to this, since she really respected her doctor and later told me she would loved the idea of placing her daughter with this couple. The OB told L that he would bring his daughter's adoption profile to the office with him the next day and that she should call his nurse to get it. L called her OB's nurse the next day and explained the situation. Apparently the nurse looked everywhere and couldn't find the paperwork that was supposed to be there. At her next appointment, L's OB asked if she had changed her mind on adoption. She said no, and then he asked why she had never called to pick up his daughter's profile. L told him that she had, and that the nurse had said couldn't find it. He said it had been sitting on the nurse's desk ever since that morning. In the meantime, L had found Adoption Network in the yellow pages. She called and said that her only specification was for her daughter to be raised in a Christian family. Adoption Network has many Christian families waiting for babies, but through God's providence, our profile was one of only six that they sent to L. She chose us...and you know the rest of the story.
I am confident that the months we spent waiting were not wasted. They definitely weren't what I envisioned, and there were many days that I cried for the babies whose adoptions we lost and cried that my surgery didn't have the result we'd hoped for...but God has used that time to show me that He will show David and I the way to walk--even when we have no idea where He is leading us. We were convinced God was going to show us to begin training to adopt from the foster system or pursue IVF, but He didn't. However, these opportunities were not wasted, and we believe God may use either of these options to grow our family in the future. But for today, my heart is full with the realization that my God is faithful! Even when we couldn't see an answer, He was still working. And, His answer was beautiful!
On this Mother's Day weekend, I echo the words of Psalm 113:9:
"He settles the childless woman in her home,
as a happy mother of children.
Praise the Lord!"
"What God wants for you is never less than anything you have wanted.
You'll never come up short. And when He answers, in His time and in His way,
it will be richer, deeper, and far more meaningful."
~Anne Graham Lotz
.jpg)
.jpg)
